Call the lawyer...

When I was a kid, my parents went through a... well... I'll just say contentious divorce. Wrapped into that mayhem was the battle for custody of the three of us younger kids (the two eldest were already off to private school so not part of the custody mix). 

After the dust settled and my next oldest sister and I were living with my mom, she helped us find the humor/reality in the situation. When we were whining about how unfair my mom was being or how terrible my step-dad (who is actually a gem) was or some other such "horrific" happening, my mother started responding with "Call the lawyer".  I'm sure that we were dumb-founded when she first started using this phrase but we soon figured out that it was a not-entirely-subtle way of asking "Is this offense SO awful that you want to go through the misery of a custody battle again?" (Because it WAS misery... for all of us!) It was a quick way to end whatever upheaval was taking place at the time. It's become a bit of a long-running joke (maybe just to me...).

Being married is an adventure. The act of  expecting two adults to share a bedroom, a bathroom, household duties, financial responsibilities, parenting tasks, and the like without wrinkles and struggles is ridiculous. All of those people that get married because they want a fun wedding day and think that the ring they slip on that day will magically erase all problems make me crazy. I've actually been present when a bride (who was marrying someone she'd had nothing but problems with for the past several years) said "My mom says I should just try it and if I don't like it, I can get a divorce." (I didn't attend any of her subsequent three weddings...)

Although I am married to my perfect match, we do occasionally have those moments where the trash has hung around longer than it should or the day's dirty clothes are piled up right in front of the bathroom sink or other such minute annoyances. 

My response? "Call the lawyer." (Or he knows I'm lovingly irritated when I start with "If we ever get divorced, it will be because of the pile of clothes right next to the hamper...") But it all boils down to the principle of "Call the lawyer." In our lives, there isn't anything even remotely serious enough to get divorced over and therefore our "fights" consist of "Can you not..." And "Yup, sorry." Fight over. Well... Except for the few months that I was hepped up on hormones while trying to get pregnant. I was a total lunatic then.... Good thing he didn't call the lawyer!