Can't Protect Your Kids From Life... Or Death

If it were up to me, kids would no longer fall into the "kid" category by the time they have to deal with their first human death up close and personal - they would be adults with some life experience and perspective. Animal deaths are hard enough and, in my opinion, plenty hard enough to learn some of life's unfair lessons.

This week we recognized the tenth anniversary of my brother in-law's extremely untimely passing. He was 40 years old when he died of a major heart attack in his home at night while my sister and his two youngest sons slept upstairs. His six year old found him in the morning and knew immediately that something was very wrong. Ten years later both boys have grown into amazing, strong, well-rounded young men but I can't help but wonder how the loss of their father has changed them and the lives of their older half brothers. It certainly changed the course of the younger boys' lives - they moved to CT from CA months after their dad's passing and life is completely different for them but knowing how they've been shaped mentally and emotionally is considerably more difficult.

On the same day that we marked ten years since Tom's death, my stepson faced tragedy with his own friend whose name happens to be Tom. Tom's mother suffered a massive brain bleed and was pronounced brain dead after a thorough work up at the hospital in Boston. My step-son, Tom's best friend, was asked to drive Tom and his mom's boyfriend from Cape Cod to Boston as they were understandably too upset to drive. Since his mother had not re-married and Tom is 19, he was designated as the next of kin and had to make the ultimate decision to terminate life support, donate organs, make funeral arrangements etc. What a horrendous position for a child to be in especially when grieving the loss of his mother!

As parents, we are proud of J for standing by his friend through this difficult time without even considering bailing on him. At 19, it's hard to know what to say to a friend that has suffered such loss and even harder to go through it by his side. As parents, we also know that J grew up in some significant ways in the past few days... Ways you don't necessarily want to rush on your child no matter what.